Why Being “Relatable” is Keeping You Broke
You are exhausted of doing the same over and over again. You are looking at your phone, wondering if you should post that video of yourself crying, or the one where you talk about your anxiety, or the one showing your messy apartment.
You do it because it works. The comments flood in: “OMG so real,” “Thank you for showing this,” “I feel so seen.”
You get the dopamine hit of validation. You feel like you are building a community. But then you try to sell something. You launch a product, or you announce a high-ticket partnership.
And the comments shift. “Oh, she’s selling out.” “Must be nice to afford that.” “I missed when you were humble.”
You are confused. You gave them your heart, your trauma, and your “realness.” Why won’t they support your success?
The answer is painful but simple: You bonded with them over your pain, not your power.
The problem is that you have fallen into The Relatability Trap. And it is the reason you have high engagement but low income.
The Diagnosis: The Relatability Paradox
The Relatability Paradox states that the more “accessible” and “messy” you appear, the less Authority you hold.
When you build a brand on “I am just like you,” you create a Peer Relationship with your audience. Peers do not pay peers. Peers hang out with peers.
If you are “just like them,” why should they pay you for advice? Why should they buy a product you recommend if you are just as confused/messy/broke as they are?
In the luxury economy (and high-ticket influence is a luxury game), we do not buy from people who are “just like us.” We buy from people who are where we want to be.
When you over-perform vulnerability, you signal Low Status. You signal that you need the audience’s emotional support more than they need your guidance.
The “Old Way” Trap: “Authenticity” as Trauma Dumping
The internet told you that “Authenticity” means showing everything. No filters. No boundaries.
So you became an Open Wound. You monetized your mess.
This attracts a specific type of audience: The Trauma Tourist. They are there to consume your drama, not your value. They feel better about their own stagnation because they see you struggling too.
This is not a fanbase; it is a support group. And you cannot scale a support group into a business without eventual backlash when you try to leave the “mess” behind.
The Gold Shift: The Aspirational Gap
The Goldfluencer does not strive for “Relatability.” They strive for Resonance.
Resonance means: “I understand how you feel (empathy), but I am not staying in the feeling (authority).”
You must maintain The Aspirational Gap.
This is the psychological distance between where the audience is and where you are.
- Relatability: “I am drowning in laundry too! Life is so hard!” (Zero Gap).
- Gold Standard: “I used to drown in laundry. Here is the system I built to reclaim my Sundays.” (Aspirational Gap).
The “Private Life” Partition
You need to reclaim your mystery. You need to stop being an open book.
The Practice: The 20% Rule.
Look at your content pillars.
- Old Way: 80% Personal Life / 20% Value.
- Gold Way: 80% Value (Perspective, Aesthetics, Taste) / 20% Personal Life.
The Test: Before you post anything personal, ask: “Is this processed?”
If you are still angry, sad, or messy about it—do not post. Process it privately. Only post it once you have extracted the Wisdom from the mess.
Sell the Wisdom. Keep the Mess for your therapist.
